We got the boys these robes in Taiwan from some Amazing women, Miki and Lauren, who we met at their little shop. We went back 3 or 4 times to visit, both before and after we had picked up Zack. The day we flew out we went to say good-bye and they made us oolong tea right on the display counter. We sat and talked and drank tea. It was one of the more special parts of our journey.....
(Help...they're taking over!)
So, it was just all going a bit too well...you know, like too good to be true? We have started to deal in reality around here it seems. We are back from orbit and the honeymoon is over. It had to happen eventually. Right?
A few posts ago I had mentioned that Zack seemed to prefer Chris over me just a bit...well, now it is more than just a bit. He has, at this point, made a full fledged decision about me and he has decided that I am just slightly above useless (I make the food, so I seem to have that going for me). Um....OUCH . Even though I knew this may happen, it is still challenging. Of course though I am all patience with Zack...I am a little disheartened inside when he cries for Dad as I hold him. I am dealing with it a little better every day. He reaches out and touch me while Chris is holding him. That is progress. I try to feed him most of his meals and I put him to bed just as much as Chris. I also hold him many times throughout the day....he just keeps Chris in his sights. We are getting there.
Luckily, Luke is here and he sort of smoothes the edges of just about anything. That kid is blowing me away with how well he is handling all of this. Such a great little person. He calls Zack "Yak" and asks "Where's Yak?" throughout the day. So funny!!
We are also working on sleep/nap stuff. It seems that now that Zack is getting used to being here he is wanting to play around with his nap schedual. By that I mean...not nap. This is not an option around here so we are trying, as gently as possible, to let Zack know he will be napping. We play around with different times and lengths as well as ways of putting him down. It can take 35 minutes to get him down for a 60 minute nap....that isn't going to work when I am home with both kids and Luke is in the living room....We'll continue to adjust and be patient.
So, overall, this is harder than I thought it would be. It is good and will be better soon. We are right in the middle of one of the most challenging parts now, so we just have to keep our eyes on the goal. Of course I am open to any helpfull suggestions. Especially on how to handle helping Zack feel comfortable with me and how to help Zack not feel threatened by Luke playing with his dad.
Zack is not interested in sharing Chris at all...which I totaly understand , I just need to find a way to help him through that. We are making sure that Chris and Luke go outside and do fun boy stuff alone at least once a day and that really helps Luke, but obviously not Zack!
If this post sounds a bit down....it isn't all bad here. This is just a good place for me to work through the hard stuff so it may seem to be leaning a bit more toward the negative than it is day to day. Chris and I are doing well and talking about the days events each night.
Bear with me...more cute fun stuff is around the corner I'm sure! And, hey, I included photos!!!
9 comments:
It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Just give Zack some more time - he is still getting used to his surroundings.I am sure all of this will be a distant memory soon.
It won't be long until Zack wants nothing but his mother -- that's what little boys eventually want. So be patient. You have to remember that the fact that he is bonding with Chris is a sign that his transition may be easy.
You look very much like a family. The photos really are wonderful!
Amanda, You are doing great and don't apologize for negativity. you are being real and honest and truthful and exactly what Zack needs. Hang in there and hold onto the bright moments there will be more and more as the lazy hot days of summer pass.
This post doesn't sound negative at all, it sounds like a mommy with a new little one at home. Give Zack time he will come around. It sounds as if you have the patience that is needed. It's good to hear that Luke is looking for his brother during the day. How cute.
p.s. Couldn't figure out why you look so familiar. Dh and I have decided that it's cuz you like Jenny Garth, you know that girl from Beverly Hill 90210. Ever get that?
okay that was supposed to say you look like her
This blog is great. It sounds like you and I have the same scenrio's going on-- meaning every time Mary gets around Gabriel he cries every minute until she holds him. It use to bother me a little bit, but then I quickly realized that I get a little break from the little bugger! smile It won't be long until he is grabbing at your legs begging you to hold!! You are doing great!!
Hi Amanda,
Just got back from a quick vacation. I really enjoyed this post, you do not sound like a downer at all. This is a very real part of the adoption process. Heck, it is a very real part of raising kids!! All of my boys have gone through a stage like this at one point or another in their lives. You sound like you are determined, and that is good. There will be a day when everything clicks. I am sorry that this hurts your heart so much, but remember it hurts you because he is your little boy...you are his mommy and someday soon, Zack is going to get that and never look back. Hang in there my friend.
Janalee
Mandy,
You don't sound like a downer at all. You sound like a loving and caring parent. I know what you are going through except the difference is that you have two kids and I only have Chasity. At first when I started going over to mom's during the day Chasity was latched on to her daddy. That is all she wanted. It was very hard for me at first and like someone said you do get a break. My point is that it will change because now when I come home the only person she normally wants is me. So Zack will see how good of a mommy you are to Luke and (I know because you helped raise me) he will want to be picked up and stay in your arms for as long as he can.
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