Identity...

I have been spending alot of time lately reading pretty amazing blogs.

Specificaly, the blogs of some incredible women who are also Korean adoptees.

These women are the same age as me, but have faced things in their lives which are similar to what my son Zack is bound to encounter. Racism, the search for identity in a culture, ethnicity, and a definition of family that fits their circumstances, among many other things which are very unique to the existance of an international adoptee. In my mind they somehow bridge a gap between my son and I. They are my peers in age, but my sons peers by circumstance.

At first, I had a hard time reading the posts which at times were resentful of their adoptive parents. They very often question the whole concept of interracial adoption and the motives of those who participate.

I found myself eager to defend the choices my husband and I have made about how to grow our family. But, then, I decided to put my feelings aside and just really hear what they all had to say. After all, isn't that what my son will need me to do for him?

What these women have to say is very hard for an adoptive parent to hear, but also invaluable. They told me my son's life will hold challenges that I can't understand. He will struggle with Issues of identity that I never will. I CAN'T give him what he will lose when he leaves his native country. He WILL lose a part of himself by being raised away from his culture. Those are facts.

Many people who read this will say, "But just think of what you will give him that he wouldn't have had." Obviously, on many levels I agree with that statement. I wouldn't have started this journey if I thought that my son would be worse off with us. But, the adoption is also for our benefit. We gain another child. Somthing we want. This is also a fact.

But, one of those facts does not cancel out the other. The fact that he will gain a family does not overwrite or justify the fact that he will also gain a lifelong struggle. Both of those realities will coexist in my childs heart. He will have a family. Have opportunities. Have Love. But, he will also have greif, have loss, have confusion, that those who he is closest to just don't have.

I am so greatfull to these women. I know that they write for their own reasons, not for me. But, I beleive that me and my family will benefit greatly from what they have to teach us.

I wanted to post links to these blogs, but unfortunately, in the short time I have been reading them the authors have been attacked by adoptive parents demanding answers, justification, even apologies for posts which have been challenging to read.

These Adoptive parents seem to feel the authors should give them answers. Tell them what to do differently. Justify their feelings.

How sad that they continue to be attacked for just being who they are....
Since I don't know everybody who reads my blog personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable potentially offering these women for more scrutiny. But, if you are an adoptive parent, I would strongly encourage you to seek out this other perspective, this challenging other side of the story of our children's lives. You and your family will only benifit from it.

Here's a link to an article which is very interesting....

And Here's Another.
(You have to log in for this one, but it is realy worth the 60 seconds)

March Update!!!!

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These updates don't really require me to say much...I know your all just here to see the photo's!! (It a damn good thing, cuz they always leave me a bit speechless)

Two bottom teeth
weight: 19.4 lb / 8.8 kg
height: 28.94" / 73.5 cm
head: 18" / 45.7 cm

The Legacy of An Adopted Child

Once there were two women, who never knew each other.

One you do not remember, the other you call Mother.

Two different lives, shaped to make you one.

One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.

The first one gave you life, and the second taught you to live it.

The first gave you a need for love, the second was there to give it.

One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.

One gave you a talent, the other gave you aim.

One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears

One saw your first sweet smile, the other dried your tears.

One sought for you a home that she could not provide,

The other prayed for a child, and her hope was not denied.

And now you ask me, through your tears,

The age old question, unanswered through the years.

Heredity or environment, which are you a product of?

Neither my darling, neither.Just two different kinds of love.

Author Unknown

I Never Knew

I never knew I would......

• be rollin' in the minivan
• be turned on by my husband keeping his shirt "right side out" when removing it
• know the consistancy of a dirty diapers contents based only on it's smell
• smash spiders with my bare hands if they try to get within 5 ft. of my baby
• remind someone EVERY DAY, for going on 6 months now, that you can only have ONE vitamin a day. I see no end in sight....
• let someone wipe bugers on me, and then be glad they did, because at least the buger is out now
• blow on someones elses dinner while mine gets cold
• sing kids songs, with gusto, while driving down the road and not give a crud who is looking at me
• eavesdrop on someones sleeping noises for almost two years now.
• know someone who says "no" in their sleep
• spend so much of my time coaxing poo from scrotum folds
• be one of those people who got my panties in a bunch over risque tv before 8:00pm
• be so happy

Stinky cast and Court news

(Are you serious?!?!)

A couple quick updates......

We had a doc appt. today and learned that that wretched stinky cast/weapon will bless us with it's presence for yet another week!

Drat!

But it will be off for sure next week.

No Matter What!

How hard can it be to saw off a fiberglass tube?

It WILL come off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~AND~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have just heard that Our dossier officially entered the Taiwanese Local Courts on March 3rd! Yeah!

What that means to us is.....

~2-6 months from March 3rd we should get travel news

~Our docs didn't get lost somewhere in the pacific

~Someone in Taiwan spoke to someone at our agency about us long enough
to relay that info, so...

~Someone in Taiwan knows we exist, which I wasn't sure of until today .

Yay!! I am for the first time feeling a little bit of surrender to the process. I guess I have received enough evidence at this point to beleive that things in fact will continue to move along without my constant obsessing.

But...maybe they have only made it this far BECAUSE of my willing them to do so.

Hmmm.

I beleive I will persist with the unhealthy obsessing thankyouverymuch. It has worked wonders so far.

Weekend Fun

We had quite a fun weekend around here. It was all outdoors all the time for us. The weather finaly decided to cooperate with us and we capitalized on it. We have been stuck in this stupid weather pattern where it MUST rain on the weekend. ALL of the weekends. Forever. It has been like this for about 700 years and our little family couldn't stand it any longer. So when our Little Gym class ended on Saturday Morning we were off like a herd of turtles! We had an impromptu day trip which consisted of little to no planning, just like the good ol' days(pre-tiny objector). One big difference...A toddler who doesn't like looong car trips. But, other than having to sing every song we have ever learned, ever, while in the car, it went amazingly well. I believe we may even do it again!

So on day 1 we went to the San Francisco Zoo, where the most exciting things were the "mamma's"(llamas) and a really interesting faucet which we spent the majority of our time pondering. Seriously, we paid (including parking) $30 to look at a faucet for like an hour. So I forced Luke to touch the nasty animals in the petting zoo so that I could have some photo's for you folks! Here you go!















(Petting the goat) (Looking at the "mammas")

On day 2 we took the little traveler to our Aunts' property up in the beautiful Foothills. We went to breakfast and played with our cousins on ATV's outside all day!! Fun!! It was a first for us on the four wheelers and every single one of us had a blast! Especially Luke. Every time someone would start up one of those the fun buggies Luke would say "MORE " and he would also sign it at the same time. This is how you know he REALLY wants to do somthing. He'll bust out the baby signs! He knows he'll get anything that way. How can anyone resist those tiny little fingers doing those tiny little signs?!?!?!
















(Aunt Jill & Cousin Gabriel) (Daddy & Luke)

What? Doesn't everybody let their One year old, who happens to be in a cast, putz around on machines of death?

Amazing...

It has recently come to my attention that my amazing hubby is not aware of just HOW AMAZING he is. It seems I may have neglected to tell him that I notice all the wonderful things he does. Instead, I complain about silly nonsense....I feel like such a poopy head.
It's like I assume the fact that he is such a great hubby and father is just a given. It's understood, It's common knowledge. Sooo....it rarely occurs to me to mention it. I don't tell him how in awe of him I am nearly enough.

I ask alot of him.

He works hard everyday, and when he gets home after work there is no rest. I want so badly for him and Luke (and all the kids we end up with) to have a strong relationship that I really "encourage" them to have daddy time in the evenings after dinner. Time where dad runs the show and I try to stay in the background. It's noisy and messsy and perfect.

Then he puts Luke to bed. ....Every. Night.

This pretty much means Chris goes non-stop untill Luke's bedtime. All this with no complaints (ok, hardly any).

Our weekends are all about family. When Chris has something he wants to do just for or by himself, he tries to limit it to Luke's naps. When he wants to go somewhere that I don't, he often offers to take Luke so I can have some alone time.

He makes dinner on Sunday.

He's just so great.

Well, I will be a poopy head no longer.

To my amazing Husband, thank you for:

• making Luke's breakfast every day
• making me coffee every morning
• working so hard every day
• and then coming home and being a great dad
• giving Luke a bath every night
• reading stories with such flare
• listening to me
• coming home for lunch every day
• making me feel so safe
• being so darn smart
• being so patient
• not pointing out how naggy I can be
• being so gentle
• unconditional love
• beleiving in me
• driving the old car
• letting me park in the garage
• letting me make all the interior decorating decisions
• doing the yard work
• being the kind of man I always dreamed I would marry

Most of all, thank you for realizing that playing the "working dad" card to get out of setting the very best example possible for your son would only hurt you in the long run.

Goofing Off...

Here are some fun quizes I found....

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"We saved the world. I say we have to party."

What Superheroine Are You?

American Cities That Best Fit You:

70% Honolulu

55% San Diego

55% San Francisco

50% Boston

50% Chicago

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Click the links below each quiz to see your results......

Another First.....and hopefully last!

We've had quite a bit of adventure around here!!

Luke has, at the ripe old age of 20 months, broken his wrist!

We spent pretty much all day at the hospital yesterday with our broken baby...The crazy thing is, he was so nonchalant about the whole thing (there was the whole head injury). But I don't think it was the blow to the head that kept him so subdued..I think he has just revealed a little bit more of himself to us....

Luke is quite the trooper. He has been amazingly calm. He's like "ok, I can handle this. No biggie. Cast shmast."

And I learned that I will not shrivel up and die if my child gets hurt, go to the ER hurt, get a cast on hurt.

Of course my hubs was a pillar of calm and confidence. He rocks.

We all handeled it very well and I am very proud of my little family.


So you probably want to know just exactly how this happened. How, you might wonder, could a stay at home mom charged with the care of just one small boy allow this to happen....

Take a look at these photo's and leave me alone!



Ok, so he stood on his walker aka "the toy of death" to try to let himself out the sliding glass door, then did a death dive onto the 1/100 of our house that isn't covered in carpet. (Yes, he does have a T@rget bag on his arm, we are trying to catch the little daredevil so that we may attempt to bathe him!)

Bonus photo's...

Some of the staff from our favorite(and only) adoption agency ever are visiting St. Lucy's right now. They were kind enough to take some photo's of the little guy for us!! What an awsome surprise!

We learned a couple things we didn't know...He has two teeth and he has a big smile. It is so comforting to see him interacting with other people and even another baby. We actually, amazingly enough, have "met" Zack's cribmate's parents through our blog!! I was so excited to see the top of Lu-Yu's head in there with Zack. Small world!

Where's the Mystery...?

One of my big hopes and dreams in life has finally come to fruition. This is a day I have been dreaming of for years...many years. My mecca, ,has finally
opened a store in my area. And, by "my area" I mean like 8 minutes from my house. So, the fam and I ventured into the madness that is an Ikea grand opening, and parused the merch (like we dont have the entire product line committed to memory).

I must say, I am left feeling ...disapointed....uneasy. The mystique is lost. The special occasion-ness of visiting Mecca is gone.

You see, for us, going to Ikea was a fabulous day-trip-of-joy. The nearest location to us up until now was an hour and half away in the San Francisco Bay. So, we would make a sort of event of any visit. It was somthing we wrote on the calander, somthing we planned far in advance.

Somtimes we would get a babysitter, and it would become a date of sorts. We would get margaritas and eat at a yummy mexican place, then shop at Mecca, then head over to "The City" for a stop at our favorite beach, then some city walking and shopping.

But now, it is to close..too convenient...too regular.

Somehow all of the cool, cheap, funky wares had lost a bit of their shine. Everything seemed so ...atainable..like I could just walk past it and come back for it another time. Because I could. The urgency and excitement are no longer there. It is now on par with going to the mall. Nothing mysterious about that.

Hubby and I used to just fantasize about how amazing this time would be for us. How we would be so happy, so fulfilled, so complete.

To much of a good thing?

Maybe I'll pretend It isn't there and we'll drive right past It on our way to a day trip of joy, to a place where everything seems a little bit shinier.

The Fuzzy Yummies

I have been awash in feelings of love, family and friendship lately. Every day realizing one more person or moment or place or item that I am truely thankfull for. I stumble into this fuzzy yummy state from time to time, and always hope it will stick around for a bit. In case it does move on I have decided to make a list of everything I am loving right now. It will be a snapshot of sorts which I can revisit to get a little taste of the lovies when they may be in shorter supply.

My Family* People who leave a comment on the blog *Luke's breath *Zack's photos *Neighbors* My Book Club *Books *The comfy sopt on the sofa* Wireless internet *My husbands eyes *Coldstone ice cream* Really hot baths* Rose scented bath salts from my Aunt Elaine *My Amazing In-Laws...All of them* Cole *My Friends *Magazine subscriptions *Paint *Home* Espresso*Mornings on the couch with my little family*Blogging*Art*Rocking Babies to sleep*Walks with Luke*Sunshine*Cilantro*Alaina*Plywood*Potential*Long Talks*Disposable
Diapers*Being a Mommy*Date Nights*Chris and Luke Playing*My family*